Sunday, October 10, 2010

Update again

It's so late but I've been having real problems sleeping lately. This house is creepy when you're on your own- the water heater groans and the walls creak. Plus I keep having this fear that when I open a door, I'll see someone just...standing there. They don't even have to be threatening, they just have to be in my house where they shouldn't be. Ugh, I'm scaring myself again.

So Jill emailed me earlier this evening. I'm not going to repost the entirety of the email, but the gist of it was that she was sorry for scaring me, and that she'd been going through some mental stuff recently and was going to be working through it with a therapist in Tucson. She said she'd be back in about a week but wanted to spend some time at home. She also told me that even though most of the things she's been dealing with have been in her head, she was triggered by a guy she saw hanging around our house, so if I see anyone hanging around, call the police right away. This is...I don't know. It's comforting because she sounded so normal in the email and so in control of herself, but at the same time the idea of a random guy hanging around our duplex scares the shit out of me. I've checked the locks on the doors like 20 times tonight.
This is my second night sleeping alone in the house and I'm pretty sure it's also my last. I'm not usually like this- I love scary movies and usually don't react to them at all. I like being kind of scared but I always know what's real and what's not, and I never freak out after I'm done reading or watching a scary story. I guess the fact that I know there's something real, or at least some real guy out there (maybe) is a lot more unnerving than an obviously made-up monster.

I guess I'm posting this because I'm a total wuss and I'm nervous of sleeping under the window by my bed...the shades are all drawn and stuff but I'm still a little scared. On the other hand it's almost a relief to be scared of something stupid like this, because now that I know Jill's getting herself under control, I can stop worrying so much about her. It just bugs me that just as one source of worry is cleared up, another takes its' place. At least Jill will be back on friday or saturday, so she says. And I'm going to try and get back into the swing of actual art posts, because this personal stuff is kind of lame. Depending on how successful this is I might delete it or like, make it private or something. Can you do that on Blogger? I don't know.
Ok now I'm just rambling to myself. I'm going to turn off the lights and go to sleep listening to a nice silly podcast or something, something not serious or unnerving at all, and I'll stay at other people's houses for the rest of the week. Goodnight (or good morning) all of you nonexistant readers.

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