Tuesday, February 1, 2011

No more ignoring him.

I saw BSG today, and he was on my street. Let's repeat that in case I didn't have the proper emphasis: HE WAS ON MY FUCKING STREET. Near my HOME.

 He was walking very quickly, as if he was trying not to be there when I got home, but my fiction class was canceled so I was home early. He's lost the scarf, probably because it's so warm now that he can't wear it and pass unnoticed, and he's got a lighter coat now (his old coat reached down to his knees, almost).
When I saw him I couldn't help gasping in surprise, and he turned around sharply and started running. I ran after him- it was automatic. I still can't believe I did it, that I ran after him instead of in the opposite direction. Apparently I can be very stupid sometimes.
BSG is very slow. He stopped a few feet after he started, doubled over and wheezing. I caught up to him easily.

"You shouldn't have seen me...HE's gonna kill me..." he said, in between ragged breaths. Every time I see him he looks worse- this time his face was dead white and his pale eyes looked sunk into their sockets. Is this normal for the servants? The, um, proxies, as most bloggers call them, or hallowed (I'm not clear on the distinction, sorry)? He looked like he had some kind of wasting sickness, and he had all these pimples and sores on his face- not like a plague victim or something, but like he had a vitamin deficiency.
"Listen," I said, crouching down near him, but far enough that he couldn't grab me, "why are you following me? I know who you're working for, I know it killed Jill. Why isn't it coming after me itself?"
And no, I have no idea where that bravery came from, because thinking about it now makes me want to throw up and cry in a corner.

He drew back, snarling, and I backed up too. BSG doesn't scare me usually, he's too...I don't know, he's a little bit pathetic. But when he does this animal thing, when he growls and hisses...that's scary. It's inhuman. His face was all twisted, he looked insane, angry. When he spoke, drops of spit flew from his mouth.
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about." He growled. "You don't want HIM after you. You're so fucking lucky it's me. Now let me go, you stupid cunt, or I'll cut off your hands."

I stood well back while he got up.

As he stood, he pulled something from his coat and pointed it at me. I flinched back before I saw it was an envelope.
"This is for you, from our friend in Marietta(?)." he muttered, waving it at me. He'd gone back to that sulky kid voice. I took the envelope very carefully, and he twitched when it left his fingers, like he was about to grab for it back.
"Was gonna leave it for you but..." and he shrugged, looking weirdly normal, "why not. You get it either way." Then he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me over. I was trying to jerk away from him but even though he looks sick, he's strong...I thought he was going to kill me but he leaned in close and stared at me with those light eyes.
"I don't think this is right," he said, and his face was twisting again but this time it looked like he was going to cry. "This isn't fair. I didn't want to go to HIM, HE made me, made me, made me..." His voice was rising and then he started mumbling again. "Remember my name, okay? Just...just please let them know who...HE's going to kill me and I need someone to know."
I was shaking and almost crying and any sympathy this guy was going to get from me was completely eclipsed by how bad I wanted to get the hell away from him, but I thought if he told me his name he could loosen his grip or something, and I could just run away, so I asked his name. He said it was Daniel. And then he did let me go. I turned and ran, I didn't even look back to see if he was following.

I've been keeping a stalker log or whatever you're supposed to call them, which is what the police recommended. I got home and locked all the doors and wrote down what had happened, and then drove to the police station and gave them the evidence. They told me they'll be on the lookout for BSG, who I'm calling Daniel from now on I guess, and told me to stay with friends.

I've been home alone since then (I got back around, what, 7?). I didn't talk to anyone about what happened. Jess is going on a trip with her parents in 2 days and I don't want to worry her, and Kevin....we haven't seen each other too much since the breakup. I think he's angry at me because I came between him and Sarah, even though I didn't mean to...I know it's stupid to be alone, but I can't bring myself to talk to anyone about this, even just the stalker part. Even if he's dangerous, and I don't doubt that he is, it's too close to telling them about...the other thing.

I scanned the letter before I gave it to the police, but I'm not...guys, it's bad. I can't really face it right now, I'll post it later. And I don't know what Daniel meant about Marietta, if that is in fact what he said. I'll look it up later (later, always later). Right now I'm just so tired and my head hurts and I can't stop thinking about...things...

Oh, and Flagstaff. It was a nice break. I got some charcoals and a new sketchbook, and a clock shaped like a hand which is a bit weird. No events, nothing bad. And Andrew's girlfriend turns out to be a very sweet girl, her name is Laney. They're going to do well together, I think.

Now I'm going to catch up on blogs and then go to sleep.

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