Friday, February 4, 2011

Scans of the letter

First of all, I got a twitter so I can follow some of you guys. I'm not going to be posting on it often though because I...don't do that.

Sorry this took so long. I had to write out the transcript and it was...really hard to get through, as you'll see below. And then there's school, and the fact that I've been sleeping so much lately...I can't seem to get through the day without falling asleep, and I'm always tired. Before you start worrying about that being related to the monster, I can tell you with a reasonable degree of certainty that the sleeping, at least, is depression-related. I always get very tired when I'm not doing well emotionally. However, the near-constant headaches are something new and entirely unwelcome.

It's sort of amazing that I managed to hold onto the letter. I was running away from BSG- Daniel- without thinking about anything at all, just wanted to get the hell away from him and back into my home. But I guess I sort of instinctively had it in a pretty tight grip, because when I got home there it was, clenched in my hand. Sorry about the wrinkles.

This is the envelope:

And here's the actual letter:

In case you can't read it, here's a transcript. I think it's pretty accurate.

Dearest Shining, (don't ask me how she knows this, but I think that's a reference to my email)

I'm certain that the Lord will dispatch a competent servant to send this letter to you. You needen't fear, darling, because I do not know where you are, although I've heard such good things about you. Your friend Jill is just the sweetest thing, and seems quite devoted to you. She's told me so much about you the time you've spent together, although she has a strange aversion to saying your name. I did try to allow her to say goodbye, but she didn't manage to get you on the phone. I do hope you got the message.
I'm sure you're wondering why I'm writing to you. The truth is, I feel terrible about how things ended between you two girls. I hate to see a friendship end that way. I thought it might give you some comfort to know that she cared about you very much, and she was quite insistant that the Lord not find you. Although it shan't matter in the end, because He will find you, dear. He already has. I'm surprised He hasn't made Himself known to you yet, although it's best not to question the Lord. He works in mysterious ways.
Perhaps this will not calm you, but it is the truth: Jill died in agony but she died for for the Lord. He did not administer the beatings, but he performed the final rites, and I am proud to have done His work. Would you like to know how she resisted, how she tried to run before I cut her hamstrings with my gardening shears? How she tried to type messages until I broke her fingers one by one? How she called you, dear, and her mother, before I cut out her pretty tongue? She was not brave but she was determined. I admire that, in a way. It made my work so much more interesting.
There is one more piece of business to be dealt with, darling, before the Lord claims you. I would so enjoy the chance to spend the same time with you that I had with Jill, but unfortunately I am so far away, and the recent police activity here has limited my ability to travel. But I am honored by the Lord to have this opportunity to let you know: He is coming. He is already there. And you must give Him my regards when you next see him. Tell him that I am, as ever, His loyal servant.

I envy the bliss you will enjoy when you see the Lord.

Forever His,


...There are literally no words. When I took it to the police, I lied and told them I didn't know what she meant by Lord and Shining. It was too complex. They wanted to take me into protective custody but I said no. I honestly think I'll be safer at home.

every time I look up at those words, that scan...I start crying. Oh Jill, poor, poor Jill. Why didn't I believe you?

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