Monday, February 28, 2011


The monster is was outside my window all night. My bedroom at my parents' house is on the second floor. I think it's taller for me than for most people. It was bending down to look at me.
I should be scared but...well, no, I am scared. Fucking terrified. But it's buried under a thick layer of sleep deprivation. And I took an ativan around midnight and another one a few minutes ago so that's probably dampening it a bit too.
I'm exhausted from trying not to make noise. I can't let my mom and Ted know what;s going on. I can't live with that happening.
It finally went away, and as soon as it did I started writing was like a vampire, gone with the morning light. If I hand't seen it in daylight I'd say that's what it was. But I don't know why it went away. I don't really caer either way.
Things are bad for people right now. I'm not sure why, what's changing...but things are bad. Awful. And I don't know how to help when I'm thousands, millions of miles away and I have to keep watch on my window.

Stared at the screen for 5 minutes trying to think of something else to say...I can't. I'm exhausted. I've been awake for 24 hours and I've been running on adrenaline, in a state of terror, for at least 9...I literally had to count on my fingers to figure out how long it's been since the monster first showed up.
Look, just...just don't die, any more of you, if you can possibly help it don't die because it hurts and I can't do this and I just really, really want you all to be saffe...there was something else but I'm forgetting. I'll tell you later. I'm going to shut my blinds and sleep.

1 comment:

  1. Girl, I know it sounds impossible, but you need to find a way to relax for a minute. If you don't let your body rest, the organs will start shutting down. Maybe that is this monster's intent- to wait until you're so stressed out that you can't fight back. Find a (relatively) safe space and meditate or something.