I just realized something terrible.
I was sleeping just a few minutes ago. I skipped class, bad move, whatever, that's not important...but in any case I was sleeping on my couch and I had a dream about the monster, don't remember it exactly, and I woke up and it hit me so hard I couldn't breath for a second.
If the monster is real, then the blogs are real, and that means that people are dead and I brushed it off as part of a game.
That means that Jay and the people from Just Another Fool are dead, and probably so are Zero and Amelia. As of last night, Fizzbomb might be too. Nessa and Robert Sage had their memories erased, although Robert seems to be getting his back...and I can't figure out if that's a good or bad thing.
And then there's people's families and friends...M's brother and the other people he talks about, Liz from Seeking Truth, Ryan and possibly Jessa of EverymanHYBRID, Milo from TribeTwelve, and Jean's family...that's so many people, and it's not even counting the blogs I haven't read, or the people who don't have blogs at all. It's horrifying.
The one that hurts the most is Zero, though. Because I talked to him, albiet briefly. He commented here. He was kind. This was a few posts after I basically made fun of him for, as I put it, "slightly losing it". And he left a comment saying that he was sorry. So I hope that, against all logic, he survived the solstice and is living somewhere in safety. I hope that the other missing people are safe, or can be found.
I can't fight. I don't know how and I honestly don't think it'd work. I can't offer protection or a safe place to stay or anything more than words on a screen. I wish I could erase the awful things that have happened, but the best I can do is what I always do: watch. I just hope that the act of observing will change the observation enough to make a difference.