drungk. first thsing I do with my id is buy afuck ton of nice booze (hey thanks Jamesons for being delicious) and drink my ass off. and then of couse post to this fucking blog instead of finding people. self destructive right?

what the fuck is wrong with me.

sonow tha I know this is real, what now? Does the monster under the tree get me? Do I get tentacled to death and hung upsidedown in a tree with my fucking guts hanging down? Does some psycho bitch in texas come for me or is taht Blue Scarfy's job? cuz he sucks at not beind noticed so I probly have a chance if he's out for me. Like, he's really, really bad at what he does.

But guys I'm scared. Not just because I'm drunk and a monster's maybe coming for me. Because I am not a survivor. Letme say that again so you know it's true: I am not a survivor. In the time between Jill trying to cut down the tree and her death I had twelve panic attacks, 2 were in class, and i dind say anything about them here because I canst talk about it to even myvery best friends becasue I'm ashasmed to be like this and I hate thast part of me so fucking much.
oh and by the way I would've failed all my classes last semester if my teachers weren't good people. I had to graduate hisghscool late because I can't handle the stress of math.
Also: I'm a pacifist, which is a nice way of saying I' a totall pussy. I hate guns, scared of them, i can't use a kniefe because Id' stab myself for certain, and I think if anyone ever trie to attack me I wsouldn't even be able to hit back, id' just faint or something. I'm not even muscular.

I'm not a policeman like Zeke or tough like the resto f you. I'm not even smart enough to figure this shit out until a few days ago.

I AM NOT MENTALLY OR PHSYICALLY READY FOR THIS. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BUT A FUCKING BASEBALL BAT. I CAN'T DO A PUSHUP. THIS IS STUPID.

god I'm scared but it allseems so far away right now...half because of the whiskey, obvs, but I think its also because I dont know what to do. If this were a peson I could call the police, stay at other peoples houses, buy a real weopon ieven if I'm to scaed to use it. But not this. I can't evne say the naem now that it might be real. It scares me not because of what it might do but because it exists at all, this fake monster, this fucking internet meme. what the hell did I do t odeserve this. stupid question, what did Jill do?

And i have school tomorow, and I still have to passs this semester even though there's a fake mosnter  because if it really is fake I'm screwed too, by real life. I want the second option to be true, god do I want the monster to be fake. I'll faiil a semester if it somehow makse this go away like it never was and hasve Jill back and everything.

I miss you Jill. If I believed you would you still be alive