Monday, November 8, 2010

Police and Kevin

Fuck, why am I still writing this thing.

Jill is still missing. The police called on friday and asked me to come in and give a statement about her, so I did that on saturday. I actually typed up some notes from this blog, and they were pleased with how accurate I was at recounting things, so I guess that answers the question I just asked...Anyway, I ended up telling them about the slenderman connection and all that as well. There's no point trying to protect her dignity from the police if every bit of information helps, right?
So on sunday Kevin and I posted fliers all around Tucson.

Can I be a jackass and talk about myself for a little bit? Of course I can, this is a blog, ancestral home of jackasses.

Kevin's girlfriend Sarah doesn't like me. I was friends with Kevin before I met her, and we're still extremely close now that they're dating. We actually got along pretty well when they first started dating, but lately she's been kind of cold to me, and when Kevin and I were hanging flyers yesterday she called him, and when he mentioned that he was with me there was this very long pause on the other line, and the rest of their conversation was very short. He hasn't said anything about it but I think she's suspicious of my motives.
Here's the thing: I do like Kevin, a lot. In fact I was planning on asking him on a date right up until he started dating Sarah. And now's the time I'm glad I never shared this blog with any of my friends, because I've never admitted that to anyone before.
Kevin and I are very close, but we were even closer before he started dating Sarah. Or maybe I'm overstating his importance to me, because I seriously thought he liked me too, at least well enough to date for a little while. And let's be honest: When I say "like" I sound like a middle schooler or something but even though I don't want to say "love", I think the way I felt about Kevin is the closest I've ever come to falling in love.

Kevin and Sarah have been dating for a year and a half, and honestly during the beginning of their relationship I kept waiting for them to break up. Now I'm fairly certain that they're going to get married someday, and in the end I suppose she's better for him than I'd ever be. I spent almost a year in abject misery over it, and even dated a guy as sort of a replacement for Kevin, which I'm not very proud of. These days I'm almost over it, but if Kevin were available I'd ask him out in a heartbeat. But I've never let anyone know I was interested in him, and when he started dating Sarah I stopped even touching him. So it hurts that Sarah, someone who I genuinely like, is so suspicious of me, even if she has good reason, and it hurts that she's starting this up when I need Kevin the most. At the end of the day he's my best friend, apart from Andrew, and there's no ulterior motive when I ask him to do difficult things with me. It's the same as when I stayed with him when his grandmother died, or when he had mono.

So, I don't know, I've been thinking about that a lot in addition to this whole Jill thing. And to top it all off I think the empty house is making me paranoid- 2 days after Jill disappeared, when I got home from class I managed to convince myself that someone had been in my house, because the bathroom door was shut and I didn't remember closing it that morning. Stupid, right? I need to spend less time alone.

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