Saturday, March 19, 2011


I have the notebook scanned and the transcript written, now I'm just putting it all together. I can't think...I can't think. I have this awful headache, I feel dizzy when I move, I feel nauseous and tired and my heart feels like it's beating too hard.
Charlotte said on her blog that we might be being attacked because we threaten the monster. And I would so, so love to believe that. But I'm curled up under my covers and shivering and I could never be a threat to anyone. Maybe some of the others, but not me. I'm just an art student.
Jean says it migh be group hallucinations and God help me I think she could be right. I know I've got a fucked up mind. Other people have said the same, if the other people exist and I'm not making it up in my own head. Maybe Jill dying made me go crazy. Maybe I'm one of those people whose friends say "oh she seemed fine I don't know what hapened" on the news when I go crazy and end up walking down the middle of Speedway road in my pyjamas and a scuba mask or something. I don't know how else to explain some of thsi stuff. Because I can accept the giant looming monster but I can't accept that some people have magic powers or something, I can't accept people coming back from the dead. There's some smoke and mirrors going on but I don't know what or where and really that probably means it's in my mind and other people's minds.

There was something else. I can't think of it now. Something with my computer, or a dream...I think I have a fever. I think I should sleep.

I'm sorry Daniel. I never really wanted you dead.s

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